If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
