made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
