Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
