We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
