david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We got so high we made milksteak
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
