You just made me feel so damn special
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
