this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize