um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
