absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
