Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
