Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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