this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
