I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
