you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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