This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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