so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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