YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
