Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
