So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize