I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
