my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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