Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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