Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Randomize
