Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you would pick up someone in the library
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize