I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize