NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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