I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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