My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
