I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
