Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
