A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
