dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
