that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The air was thick with penises
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
