He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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