the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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