I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
