i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I FOUND THE LEGS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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