matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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