i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
