Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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