New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
