I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
