my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm really busy with my period
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