ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
