does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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