weddingsv make me drug and hornr
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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