I hate all girls vehemently.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I FOUND THE LEGS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
