the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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