I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
