watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
