Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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