hell yes lets make some ravioli
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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