Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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