I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
