I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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