How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
