so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
