I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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