i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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