Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
