you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
