I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
