For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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