Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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